Fellow writer and email friend Cassandra Blizzard sent me this note:
I saw your post on the list and went to your sites. I wanted to know what the heck a mudsmith is. (big grin) In cruising around in your fascinating sites, I found that page about the drugs and depression, and I just wanted to say, "THANK YOU FOR BEING SO BRAVE!" I'm a fairly anti-drug person, and this page rang true with me. I am glad some people disagree with the abuse of these psychodelics. (what I call them)
I was poisoned four and a half years ago, by a poison you may or may not have heard about, and it did severe systemic damage to my nervous system, mostly in the sensory realm. This poison and being ill for years afterward is a devastating event, and the symptoms can be unbearable. Basically, there are 175 symptoms associated with this poison, and they can last a lifetime. In a nutshell, the nerves are firing all the time, which means pain, pain, and more pain, not to mention that horrific feeling of being a superconductor for electricity all the time.
In going to physicians here in the U. S., I noticed two things that were very frustrating. One: they won't do any research to REALLY help the patient. Two: If you don't take their drugs, they get highly upset, mark you down as difficult, and kick you out the door. I was angered by the general attitude of these physicians. I didn't go in asking for a pill. I went in asking for answers. ALL of them have wanted to put me on an anti-epileptic drug, which, upon my research, I discovered causes serious side effects, and possibly permanent changes in the brain. NO way was I going to take this thing.
Their reasoning was that this drug will dampen the effects of the toxin on the nerve. My reasoning was: Hey, this thing has side effects that are worse than what I got. Bone marrow disease. No thanks! It's a shame doctors cannot allow their patients choices without getting angry about it. So, I really appreciated your web site. More people need to know about these drugs, and more physicians need to be informed about them, and they need to stop passing them out like candy. Phew!
Sorry, I didn't mean to get on my high horse. But I did want to applaud you for the site.
Thank you for your note about drugs. I am terribly sorry you got a poison wrecking your system. This kind of thing is hard to cope with -- I have a number of clients with intractable pain and similar problems. One lady has had two stuffed up laminectomies -- nearly became a quadruplegic. Then a disk in her neck collapsed, and the doctors wanted to operate again.
Surprise, surprise, she said no. So instead she has a morpheine pump implant, and even this doesn't work all that well.
And yet, most of the time she is cheerful and productive. When I think I have troubles, I think of Lorraine, and am humbled.
I am sure you have found many coping mechanisms. Is writing one? I find that pain and discomfort recede when I am immersed in a task. Magic is possible, in a very special sense. Irreversible damage can sometimes be reversed. I know a man who once had an inoperable brain tumor. The medical profession declared him to be dead, though still walking. He was rapidly going blind.
He is now 100% healthy, all the effects of the tumor have disappeared. HE thinks this is because he went to India to see his guru. I think it's because this pilgrimage has activated the wonderful healing potential of his body, and his immune system ate the tumor away.
I don't know if the same kind of magic can help with your problem, but using it feels pleasant.
* Meditate lots.
* Get rid of any trace of the chip on the shoulder: 'It's not fair, why me, THEY should do something about it' is a KILLER, as best described by Viktor Frankl in his wonderful book, Man's Search for Meaning.
* Use guided visualization. When I have a sore throat, I visualize my white blood cells as little white crocodiles. I see them being born in my bone marrow and encourage them to multiply and grow. Then I ask them to swim to my throat and gobble up the nasty viruses. A few minutes of this kind of nonsense DOES help: the sore throat eases, and the infection clears up faster than the normal week or so.
You need to make up your own 'script', but that should be fun for a writer.
Cass, is it OK if I post our correspondence to my web site? It can be with or without your name.
All the best,
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