Bobbing Around
Volume Eleven, Number One
July, 2011
bobswriting.com/ anxietyanddepression-help.com/ mudsmith.net/ other issues
Bobbing AroundVolume Eleven, Number One
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*About Bobbing Around
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re: A contestThe only SENSIBLE speed limitThe winner of my contest in the last issue is talented writer, humorist and American Chauvinist Ron Peters. Ron writes: Good morning, Bob. I've just been poking around in your latest issue of Bobbing Around and noticed your article on sensible speed limits. You've listed several excellent reasons for reducing the speed limit to zero, but perhaps one of the most important is eliminating car/pedestrian accidents. Without cars moving at any speed, they won't be crashing into each other, bicycle riders, pedestrians, or animals. The only downside to all this is the rapid overpopulation of the earth. We'll have to find other means of killing each other off. Frankly, at age 71, I'm not too worried about it. All the best,
Bobbing Around is COPYRIGHTED. No part of it may be reproduced in any form, at any venue, without the express permission of the publisher (ME!) and the author if that is another person. You may forward the entire magazine to anyone else. I am responsible for anything I have written. However, where I reproduce contributions from other people, I do not necessarily endorse their opinions. I may or may not agree with them, but give them the courtesy of a forum. 
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Dear Bob
On the weekend I sat down with my 8 year old (year 3) daughter Mia and we read your story together on the University of Melbourne website. She is writing a speech for school titled 'Welcoming Refugees' (chosen from a number of suggested topics for a Multicultural Speech Competition) and we wanted to find a story that she could use as an example of the contribution that refugees can make in Australia.
And what a contribution you have made and continue to make. She now has some wonderful content for her speech and we are both in awe of your story. I feel so blessed that Mia can read and understand such stories as yours and appreciate with an open mind the wonderful side to our Multicultural Australia while recognising the unfortunate reality that exists for millions of people around the world today, and the need to help them.
I know you love helping children so I want you to know your story has helped my child in so many ways. We feel both inspired from reading it and so very fortunate with the life we have.
I also read today the prologue of your mothers biography -- she must have been so proud of you.
So I just wanted to say thanks for helping us, as you probably help people like us every day without even realising it!
All the best to you and your family.
Best regards
Jane Allan-Lane
Dr Bob Rich lives in Victoria with his wife of 43 years, Jolanda. Bob studied for many years at university and gained a PhD. When he was younger he trained and worked as a nurse and also taught himself to be a builder so he could build his own house. He now juggles four jobs as a psychologist, writer and editor and as director of the Australian Psychological society -- he says he's not ready to retire yet. He has also written lots of books.
Bob and Jolanda have three children who are also very successful -- one is an accountant, the other a researcher at Macquarie University and the third is a successful businessman. They also have several grandchildren and Bob and his wife love their family and being grandparents -- they are very active and happy.
One other important thing you should know about Bob is that he was a refugee. As a child during world war two, after living in a ghetto for more than a year, he fled Hungary with his uncle and ended up in Australia. He had to leave his mother and the rest of his family behind.
A refugee is a person, like Bob, who has been forced to leave his or her home and seek refuge elsewhere. There are millions of other refugees with stories like Bob's, but only a few of them are lucky enough to come here to Australia.
I want you to try to imagine...
Waking every day to the sound of gunfire.
Working very long hours for very little money.
Never knowing when you will get your next meal.
Not being able to go to school.
Never being able to watch television, use a computer or communicate with the outside world.
Always getting sick because you can't drink clean water or visit a doctor.
Going to bed hungry... every night.
Sleeping on a cold, dirt floor.
and
Not having the freedom to live your own life.
Does anyone deserve to live like this?
Did you know that there are millions of refugees around the world right now who live just like this?
Now I don't think it will be hard for you to imagine this...
Living in a home that is warm and safe.
Working in a job that pays well and means you can buy a house, a car and go on holidays.
Eating three good meals a day.
The joy of reading a book or writing a letter.
Going to the movies and phoning your friend afterwards to tell them about it.
Having access to clean water, medicines and vaccines to keep you well.
Sleeping in a warm, comfortable bed.
and
Having the freedom to follow your dreams.
This is how we live in Australia. Do we deserve this more than refugees do?
I believe more refugees should be welcomed into Australia. Like Bob they have a lot to offer and Australia is a better place from having them here.
They help us to be the great multicultural Australia that we are.
Refugees are no different to us -- they are just unlucky enough to be born in the wrong country.
Just because we have different values and beliefs, doesn't mean one is better than the other.
We are all the same people and the world is ours to share.
Putting a price on carbon
If We Only Had A Bank by Steve Bhaerman
PhD at 90
Right now, the major political parties in Australia are having fun bashing each other up regarding who would protect whom from the costs of doing something minimal and tokenist about climate change.
We've got to protect the steel industry, because it contributes so much to the gross national product -- and makes so much profit for its overseas multinational owners as the Greens have shown. We must protect motorists from petrol price rises, because the hung parliament could be kicked out at any moment, and otherwise they might vote against us.
SHEESH!!!!
And the latest: we must protect the jobs in the coal mining industry! Why not go retrospective and protect the jobs in the asbestos mining industry as well? It's true that asbestos killed the miners -- but coal will kill the miners (and billions of others) too.
Suppose we're in a lifeboat that has sprung a leak. What we've got to do is to bail, or we'll sink. Instead, it's a debate: "You can't use my basin because I shave in it and the salt water would stop a lather forming." "Bail? Splash water around? You might wet my face and muss my makeup!" "Bail? What for? It's only a little bit of water, you're being alarmist."
Will you care about your shave or makeup when you're floundering around in the sea? Will you worry about GDP and petrol prices and votes when:
We should have started baling like crazy 40 years ago, because climate change has a long lead time. People have been killed by climate change already, and more will die because of stupidity and inaction. I want a future for lovely people like this:
"I don't know about you, but I'm nostalgic for the good old days when PEOPLE robbed BANKS." -- Swami Beyondananda
Several months ago, I got an idea for an article called, "If Obama Were REALLY a Socialist, He Would Have a 70% Approval Rating." The premise was, that in some Universe where things are a few degrees more functional than this one (the Universe where George W. Bush became Baseball Commissioner instead of governor of Texas), President Obama offered radical change instead of sporadical chump change.
In that more blessed Universe, the $12.8 trillion that was spent to (not) rescue the economy was spent slightly differently. Instead of being dispersed at the top in the hopes that some of the fortune might trickle down onto the "pee-ons," the money was apportioned from the bottom up. Assuming 100 million taxpayers, if each received $12,800 the wealth would have bubbled up, and debts could be paid without accruing new debt and interest. But a lad and a lack, our lad lacked the vision, courage and power to do that, and we still find ourselves in this Universe where the interests of Wall Street overruled the interests of Main Street.
But now, my friend and colleague Ellen Brown (author of Web of Debt, a book that sprays the entire banking system with "de-mystifier") has come up with a brilliant idea that just might activate the "bubble up" economy: a state bank. A state bank??? Isn't that some nefarious socialist notion? Well, the very un-socialist state of North Dakota has had a state bank for 90 years, and it's the only state in the black!
In the above-referenced interview in Mother Jones magazine two years ago, North Dakota bank president Eric Hardmeyer said:
"Our funding model, our deposit model is really what is unique as the engine that drives that bank. And that is we are the depository for all state tax collections and fees. And so we have a captive deposit base, we pay a competitive rate to the state treasurer ... We take those funds and then plow those deposits back into the state of North Dakota in the form of loans. We invest back into the state in economic development type of activities. We grow our state through that mechanism."
Thanks to Ellen Brown's work, a campaign is now underway in California and several other states to create similar models to leverage the assets of the states into jumpstarting local economies - and competing with banks that care less about the commonwealth than the uncommonly wealthy. You can read more about Public Banking here and find out how you can help move the campaign along.
Readers of Bobbing Around will be familiar with Steve, aka the Swami. Look him up at his web site.
Lis Kirkby was the state leader of a major political party, played a lead role in a primetime television drama, fought for social change and ran a radio station in a newly decolonised Malaysia. At 90 years of age, Lis Kirkby is now undertaking a PhD at the University of Sydney on similarities between the Great Depression and the Global Financial Crisis (GFC).
Lis decided to pursue her PhD after watching conservative governments determined to reduce spending, and repeat the same mistakes they made in the Great Depression after the GFC took hold.
"The importance of linking the 1930s to the GFC is to ensure that past mistakes are not repeated. It is now more important than ever for people to realise that the economy cannot be run to suit the needs of the most privileged at the expense of the least privileged," she says.
"As long as you have a financial system that only looks at how banking interests can make profit without any consideration of how this affects ordinary people, or even other countries, the world is going to get in a worse and worse state."
Lis has the advantage of being able to draw on a lifetime of experiences.
She saw first-hand the effects of the Great Depression while growing up in England, and served in the Auxiliary Territorial Service in World War II. After working for ABC Radio, Lis became a television celebrity, starring as Lucy Sutcliffe in the hit series Number 96.
Lis' work in politics has influenced her postgraduate studies. As a member of the Legislative Council of NSW, Lis campaigned to decriminalise homosexuality, improve workers' rights, improve conditions for Indigenous people, and establish equal rights and opportunities for women. Her research is becoming increasingly linked to these endeavours for social justice.
http://usyd-alumni.e-newsletter.com.au/link/id/zzzz4e14fc3daac0d738P45989484c8816b379bf4/page.html
Power station nuked from Glen Morris
Climate change, 2010
The brighter side of a weaker sun by Curt Stager
On the train ride from Frankfurt to Bonn we followed the Rhein for most of the way. Really quite scenic in parts, especially the narrow section with all the vineyards on the very steep slopes leading down to the river with the odd Schloss (chateau) perched on a headland. Then suddenly -- tucked in amongst a small village of heritage houses -- pass a "nuclear power station"!
This power plant took ten years to build, ran for three, and then was decommissioned (and mothballed) because its location was deemed geologically unsafe! OMG who'd opt for nuclear power?
Read all about it in Wikipedia
Muelheim-Kaerlich Nuclear Power Plant
The National Climatic Data Center has released its 2010 report. You can grab all 21 Mb of it as a free PDF file. The evidence in it is overwhelming that what I've been predicting since 1972 is happening NOW. Climate change disaster is not only in the future, but in the present, and the recent past. People have already been killed by climate change.
You can read a very good account by Gina-Marie Cheeseman, based on a report in the Huffington Post.
Something strange is happening to the sun, and we can't do a darned thing about it.
Normally, the sun pulsates like a warm heart, burning slightly more or less brightly with an average rhythm of 11 years. The solar surface also develops numerous small dark patches, or sunspots, when it becomes most active at solar maximum. It skipped a beat last year when the energy peak of Solar Cycle 24 was seemingly due, leading some experts to speculate that the sun may be heading into a prolonged rest period that could last for years, even decades.
That alone is exciting news to physicists, but it's not the only reason it's making headlines. Solar variability is a favourite talking point among climate deniers who claim that today's global warming is not caused by fossil fuel emissions but by "natural cycles." The back story here amounts to "It's the sun, stupid," and hints at yet another scandalous Climategate moment that might embarrass the scientific community.
It's nothing of the sort, though. In fact, as a paleoclimatologist who openly studies those natural cycles that deniers treat like WikiLeaks secrets, I rather hope that the sun skips the next several cycles. Here's why.
If the associated, albeit slight reduction in energy outputs from the sun slows global warming significantly, then it could buy us a little more time in which to switch away from fossil fuels. Most experts consider this unlikely, though, because they expect the atmospheric heating caused by our artificial greenhouse gas buildups to overwhelm any solar cycle effects. And if a long sunspot minimum doesn't cool things down much after all, then it demolishes the contrarian argument that variability in the sun's output is the main driver of modern climate change.
A solar hiccup could also be scientifically valuable. Prolonged weakenings of the last millennium, in the absence of today's massive fossil fuel emissions, coincided with widespread cold snaps of the so-called Little Ice Age (roughly 1400-1800 AD), but we don't really know yet if the linkage was coincidental or not. We don't even know how much the sun weakened then, because recent studies have left previous estimates of those past energy reductions in doubt. Watching a similar thing unfold today, in the age of high-tech monitoring devices, could help to nail down the influence of solar variations on climate history.
Such a linkage is of more than academic interest, though. Australian scientists working in Antarctica have shown that solar cycles may strongly affect the Earth's geo-electric field. Furthermore, during the last 600 years, sunspot minima of the Little Ice Age saw the collapse of Viking settlements in Greenland, demolition of European and Icelandic farms by advancing glaciers, and lake level rises in East Africa. If such sun-climate connections were indeed causal, then it's well worth finding out for the sake of future planning.
So bring it on, I say. On the other hand, if a long solar minimum doesn't happen after all, that's fine too. Some of my colleagues and I have been waiting for the sun's next big pulse to commence because we made an uncharacteristically public prediction about it. Our analysis of sunspot numbers, rainfall, and lake level records since the 19th century suggested that the year before the next solar peak will bring floods and outbreaks of Rift Valley Fever to East Africa, and we published those findings in Journal of Geophysical Research in 2007.
At the time, physicists expected Cycle 24 to peak in 2011 or 2012, so we predicted that unusually heavy seasonal rains would strike in 2010 or 2011. But it didn't and they haven't.
Until a new solar peak arrives, we can't test our prediction; if the next peak arrives in 2013, for instance, then we'd expect the heavy African rains in 2012. But for now, even the physicists aren't sure what's going on, and we're still waiting to see how our proposed the cyclic sun-rainfall connection pans out.
There's nothing we can do but watch what the sun decides to do next, anyway, so why not make the best of it?
Curt Stager is an American paleoclimatologist and the author of "Deep Future: The Next 100,000 Years of Life On Earth" (Scribe, 2011)
If you take psychoactive medications essential reading from Charles Whitfield
Misconceptions About Childfree Women by Ellen Walker, PhD.
Long term effects of childhood sexual abuse by Joan Raymond
If you are one of the millions of people who take antidepressants, antipsychotic drugs, mood stabilisers or other psychoactive medications, you must read a paper by Charles Whitfield. It is so important that I got his permission, and have posted a copy to my web site.
Previously, I'd done the same thing with a paper by Scott Miller and associates, which stated the evidence that antidepressants do very little good and a lot of harm. Charles' paper goes further, and reviews a great deal of evidence that in a substantial number of cases, they are actually traumatic in their effects.
It is scholarly writing, but worth the effort.
Ellen has written an important and amusing essay, which I wanted to display more prominently than to have it lost within the archives of Bobbing Around. I have instead posted it to my web site.
Here is the start:
Last Saturday night, my husband and I were at a party with a whole new crowd. I started up a conversation with a woman around my age, and as soon as I introduced myself, she asked, "So, do you have kids?" I smiled, and replied, "No, I don't have children," and we stood there in an awkward silence until I asked her if she was a mother. She then told me all about her three adult children, as well as the grandkids, before excusing herself from the conversation.
I couldn't help but wonder what she must be thinking about me, as she contemplated why I didn't have children of my own. Am I barren? Do I hate kids? Did I have a miscarriage or another tragedy with a child? How do I fill the emptiness I must experience as a result of not having children? Let's take a look at some common misconceptions about childfree women, and then delve deeper to examine why these conclusions are often wrong.
Young girls who are the victims of sexual abuse experience physical, biological and behavioral problems that can persist for decades after, a new study shows.
Researchers, who tracked a group of girls ranging in age from 6 to 16 at the start of the study in 1987 for the next 23 years, found that they had higher rates of depression and obesity, as well as problems with regulation of brain chemicals, among other issues, compared to a control group of girls who were not abused.
The study, published in Development and Psychopathology, was conducted by researchers from the University of Southern California and the Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center. Those in the study were assessed by researchers six times at varying ages and developmental stages. Researchers hope to continue the study looking at the women, who are now in their 30s, as well as their children.
The racially-diverse group of 80 girls, who lived in the Washington, D.C., area, were victims of incest, broadly defined as suffering sexual abuse by a male living within the home. On average, the girls were abused for about two years prior to the abuse coming to the attention of child protective services. Some girls were abused when they were as young as age 2.
Compared to a non-abused control group, the researchers found the study participants, all of whom were provided three therapy sessions on average in group and individual settings, suffered severe effects during different stages of their lives, which affected their sexual and cognitive development, mental and physical health, as well as their brain chemical profile. Study participants were more likely to be sexually active at younger ages, have lower educational status, and have more mental health problems.
As children, they had higher levels of cortisol, the so-called "stress hormone," which is released in high levels during the body's "fight or flight" response. But by about age 15, testing showed that cortisol levels were below normal, compared to the control group. Lower levels of cortisol have been linked to a decrease in the body's ability to deal with stress, as well as problems with depression and obesity. Lower levels of the hormone have also been linked to post-traumatic stress disorder.
"The cortisol levels (of some study participants) wound up looking like Vietnam vets," says study co-author Dr. Frank Putnam, professor of pediatrics and psychiatry at Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center. "That tells us they are in a chronic state of stress, and never feel safe."
....The long-term effects of the abuse "were absolutely profound," says lead author and child psychologist Penelope Trickett, USC professor of Social Work. "It's just not mental health issues. Some of these women are suffering from a lot of problems today like sleep issues, poor health utilization, and have a lot of risky behaviors. It's very disturbing."
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43594639/ns/health-health_care/
Safety Critical Management for a Sustainable Future by Andrew Wilford
Insects are people too
How often do we think about the risks inherent in our modern world? We don't think twice about jumping onto a Boeing 737 and flying to Sydney at the drop of a hat. We expect it get there. We take for granted the intricate supply chains required to keep our supermarket shelves stocked. We plug electronic equipment into our 240-volt sockets without ever thinking about the reliability of our power generation, transmission and distribution infrastructure. In these areas, careful risk management decisions are made to ensure such systems are robust, reliable and resilient. They can be relied upon to support the modern way of life that we feel entitled to.
The risk management rigour applied to safety and mission critical systems such as aircraft, nuclear power stations, military technology, banking software etc. are highly regulated. The analysis of the points at which they may fail and the ensuing consequences is profound. All permutations of problems are considered to ensure that there are no new risk scenarios lurking at the back of the cupboard of possibility. Where the consequences of failure are catastrophic, decision makers always build in significant safety margins, deploy high redundancy capabilities and ensure that mitigation strategies can be implemented at pace.
Phew! Would you ever board an aircraft or trust your life savings in a bank that didn't employ such sophisticated risk management practices?
At the core of effective risk management is the realisation that just because something hasn't happened before, it doesn't mean that it won't happen in the future!
So if we now consider our entire planet as a safety and mission critical system, how sophisticated should our risk management be for such important issues as accelerating climatic instability, energy security, ecosystem vulnerability, resource depletion etc? Shouldn't we apply a similar precautionary approach?
As an example let's look at the unequivocal scientific consensus that the planet is warming and that a significant contributor is the cumulative impact of the human enterprise.
If the consequences of failure (i.e. runaway climate change) are catastrophic, and important indicators show us that the trend is in that direction then we should rapidly and effectively work for safety. One such intervention is to place limits on greenhouse gas emissions.
With all living and evolving systems, there is a mysterious relationship between cause and effect that is only ever retrospectively understood. It is extremely difficult to make sense of the emergent properties, interconnected feedbacks, nonlinearities and diverse drivers of a system as complex as the interrelationship between humanity and bio-geo-chemical planetary dynamics. But we do know the sort of future conditions that we don't want.
With the global climate, our appropriate responsible action is to put the brakes on...swiftly and firmly!
If we were to do this, what would actually be at risk? Economic growth itself, more aptly defined as "Uneconomic Growth." Have we ever conducted a true social, ecological and spiritual cost/benefit analysis on perpetual economic growth? What if there is a rapidly diminishing return on happiness, wellbeing and vitality for all of this continuous growth and complexity? Economic growth beyond viable limits makes things "better and better for fewer and fewer people, worse and worse for more and more people and at a faster and faster pace." Perhaps it's now timely to have a deep conversation about a Steady State economic system rather than the current Ponzi scheme.
Such bold and noble action will require us to see the planet and all of the amazing forms of life that we have co-evolved with as something worthy of our highest humanity and stewardship. Clive Hamilton was too soft...it is not a "Growth Fetish" at play... we are all embroiled in a "Growth Addiction"...an addiction that must be curbed if we are to have any chance of reaching our collective highest potential. We require a shift to a Steady State economic system that redistributes wealth more equitably and constrains throughput within biogeophysical safety limits.
So as citizens and custodians, rather than consumers, we must Wake Up and face the reality that democracy in its current guise is in decline. Democracy has been sold to corporations and the media. Our current forms of government are unable to deal with the constellation of complex issues that threaten us all. We must also 'Fess Up to the fact that this has happened on our watch. While we have been busy acquiring stuff, the social and ecological fabric that is our life support framework has been rapidly fraying. We must then Step Up to make the necessary changes in our own lives, Join Up with others who also recognise the need for transformation and work persistently to Power Up a system of influence that can enrol the hearts and minds of all people to fall back in love with our planet and honour the privilege we have been given.
Andrew Wilford is Associate Professor of Project Management at Bond University's Mirvac Institute of Sustainable Development and Architecture, and Chair of the Sustainability and Complexity Focus group of the International Centre for Complex Project Management. He is also an Associate of Ensemble Partners (a boutique strategic consultancy providing guidance to some of Australia's largest corporations). He has held senior positions in the aviation, military and space systems domains.
Wilf, as he is known, also regards himself as Whole Systems Architect, Alchemist, Cultural Acupuncturist and Heretic. He is a Director of Be The Change Australia, and he regularly facilitates Awaken the Dreamer Symposiums with fellow change agents in Brisbane. Wilf helped to establish the Brisbane Transition Hub which has catalysed the emergence of the many flourishing Transition Town Communities around greater Brisbane. Wilf is a founding member of Transform Australia.
This is the 7th time I am presenting evidence that humans are not unique on this planet in having intelligence, emotions, deeper feelings like grief, empathy and caring. Here are the others:
Some of them are carefully designed experiments, reported in peer-reviewed scientific journals. Others are anecdotal accounts by me and others.
The newest study is in the June issue of the journal Current Biology, Volume 21, Issue 12, 1070-1073, 02, titled "Agitated Honeybees Exhibit Pessimistic Cognitive Biases," by Melissa Bateson, Suzanne Desire, Sarah E. Gartside and Geraldine A. Wright. Briefly, they demonstrated that bees, with their tiny brains, respond in the same way to a nasty experience as you and I would. Extreme behaviourism, which as far as I know has died a natural death, used to state that while I (the observer) may have inner experiences, I cannot deduce any such thing for others, but only know what they DO. Given evidence such as this experiment, you now have two choices: believe this nonsense regarding other people, or if you allow others emotions, thoughts, feelings, moods etc., then you need to do the same for all animal life, even those with very primitive brains.
http://www.cell.com/current-biology/abstract/S0960-9822%2811%2900544-6
Stressing out over new job
I dont want to be at the mental hospital again!
Meth is wrecking my life
Grieving hurts so much!
I hate myself for being like this
Hi again Bob, how are you?
So I gave notice and I start my new job this Monday. Initially I was really anxious, then VERY excited, then VERY anxious, excited etc... I've also been getting all sorts of muscle cramps, aches and pains, it's a real roller coaster. I had a bad night last night also not sleeping and getting extremely panicky. I have to admit that I'm starting to really worry. I worry most that I won't sleep at all which will in turn make me more anxious and I'll make a fool of myself and be a bad worker. Worry, worry. worry.
Just felt like I had to unload. Have you any tips on what to do on nights like last night?
Thanks,
Torvald
Torvald, I'll be happy to be of service to you. First, read http://anxietyanddepression-help.com/firstaid.html
It includes a recipe for getting a good night's rest, whether you are asleep or not.
Second, you need to practice muscular relaxation. I have attached one of my standard handouts to clients who need that. The technique is also described in my book 'Anger and Anxiety: Be in charge of your emotions and control phobias,' $5.50 at Twilight Times Books http://twilighttimesbooks.com/AngerAnxiety_ch1.html.
Third, you would benefit from a bit of Buddhist detachment. Is the situation so terribly threatening after all?
What is the worst possible outcome? What is the probability of that happening? If that does happen, how will it influence your life in, say 10 years' time?
What is the best possible outcome? What is the probability of that happening?
What is the most likely outcome?
And anyway, done is done. You are now in this situation. Suppose the decision to move jobs, in your exact circumstances, had been taken by your twin brother Thomas. Would you be pleased for him, or worried on his behalf?
In recent months, I have faced several situations of considerable tension, where what I did had the potential to negatively affect a great many people. It was easy from time to time to get caught up in worry. But mostly, I have managed to remember one of my cliches:
Only two things matter in life: what you take with you when you die, and what you leave behind in the hearts of others. Everything else is Monopoly money.
Life is a game, designed to educate the players through Life Lessons, preparing us to progress toward being able to learn the Ultimate Lesson. It is made up of many sub-games, each giving opportunities for learning, and also for going backward.
Currently you are caught up in a new game. From within the game, the consequences seem large, so you are stressing out. The solution is simple: assume a wider perspective, from outside the game. Then you will know, all you need to do is your best. Whether that leads to success or failure only matters from within the game, and that doesn't actually matter. What matters is the Lessons you have the opportunity to learn, and the Lessons you have the opportunity to teach to others.
Mom died at the age of 9 yrs. I've been depressed ever since then. I'm now 18.
Well I don't want to be at the mental hospital again!!!! But all I think about is suicide. I was wondering if there are any possible way if there is any help for me. I'm a cutter. I never eat, sleep, care, talk to any one. all I want it to die so it is better on my family. So I want to know if there is any help for a person like me??????
Kate my dear,
You are now 18. When your Mom died you were 9. At that time, your thinking was that of a child's.
A great many children in that situation have the unreasonable belief that they are guilty for what had happened. Think back. Is this true for you? As a poor little girl who had lost your Mom, did you feel somehow responsible?
Here are the kinds of beliefs I've heard from people who were kids during the death of a parent, divorce, a parent going to jail or hospital for a long time, something bad happening to a younger brother or sister:
OK. Now you're 18. Suppose the lady next door died, and her 9 year old daughter said something like this. Would you agree that her mother's death is her fault?
If not, then the same to you.
For the past 9 years, you have been punishing yourself for something you are not guilty of. This has now become a deeply entrenched habit. There is NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU, except that you are doing something that is based on an irrational childish belief.
Habits can be broken. From this moment on, you can choose to act differently.
Think of it this way. Inside your heart is a terribly damaged, suffering little 9 year old girl. She says to you things like:
Until now, you have believed this inner voice. Instead, now, believe me. Because you have believed her for half your life, you have made your life such a misery that indeed death will seem like a release.
But there is another way to have release. Stop torturing yourself. You have done NOTHING to deserve it.
Instead, give that poor little girl in your heart love. Ignore her whining and shouting. Hug her, kiss her, stroke her hair and tell her she is OK, she is not guilty of anything.
You do not need to cut yourself, because you don't need punishment. I know, the physical pain can mask the emotional pain. But love can do that better.
Start looking after your physical welfare. Eat a nourishing diet. Sleep 8 hours a night. Have fun (yes, that's possible for you now). Seek out friends. Engage in activities that make your mind grow.
There are 7 requirements for giving you inner strength. I have described them at http://anxietyanddepression-help.com/firstaid.html.
Start doing those 7 things. You don't need to go to a mental hospital. But you will benefit from work with a good psychologist. I know they cost money. Your family may be able to afford it, and it will be the best investment possible. If not, your area may have free services. Do an internet search and find out.
And you are welcome to email me so I can continue to help you. I am adding you to my list of grandchildren.
My fiance and I have struggled with meth addiction for two years, at first the increased sex drive was contained to each other, then we sought more excitement and started swinging, I never wanted any one but him, I've got a serious issue about needing to be enough for someone just once. but because he's younger than I and I wanted so desperately to please him I denied him nothing, and now when we're high he wants everyone but me, and it's killing me emotionally. I have to be careful what corner in my mind I turn because a simple thought can bring up images of watching him with someone else, I borderline personality disorder and have started trying to self medicate with anything I can, including doing more meth just so I wont feel anything.
I am so neurotic over the guilt and hatred I have for myself I don't have the nerve to go to rehab. I want desperately off this life killer. I don't know how I will ever be able to reclaim the purity and innocence with him that we had before the image of him with another woman was burned into my mind. I'm growing distant and bitter, and he's promised we're done with it... but I don't know how to get over the damage that's been done.
Dear Joanna,
You now have the main requirement for beating this problem: motivation. You can now see that the wretched drug has caused a lot of harm.
Do go for that rehab. You don't need "nerve" for that. It is a tool for your use, to get you where you are determined to go: a decent, sane, good life. You CANNOT have that while you abuse your body with meth. You have a good chance of stopping something you now feel bad about because you have come to understand its consequences.
The trouble is, drugs always have positives (otherwise why would people take them in the first place?) This is why willpower is a very poor tool.
Instead of relying on willpower, work out what the positives of meth are for you. You've listed several already. Design your life so that you get these positives WITHOUT the drug.
Another way you can have increased pleasure from sex is by becoming physically fit. Eat a good diet, do regular vigorous exercise. You will see your body become more attractive, your mind clear, your ability to withstand stress improve.
This will of course have the side benefit that you will be more attractive for your man. This will give you self-confidence, so you will be less likely to torture yourself with jealous imaginings.
You mention borderline personality disorder. I don't know what your evidence for that is, but if it's a confirmed diagnosis, you need to engage in Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
If it's just a label someone slapped on you, don't believe it. Labels are counterproductive. Read what I write about relationships at http://anxietyanddepression-help.com/relationships.html and put it into practice.
This moment is the start of the rest of your life. Turn off the meth path onto one of self-respect and inner strength.
Hi Bob,
Don't know why I am writing to you. But I've got to share with someone. My grandad passed away three weeks ago on his birthday after spending seven weeks in hospital for only a minor problem. However he caught pneumonia and ended up very ill. Since it had happened I find it really hard to accept that it has, I try to push the thoughts out of my mind. Even at the funeral I pretended that it was someone else and not him. We were very close and spent a lot of time together, and during the time he was in hospital I made sure to get there at least every other day (I had exams at the same time). Since then though I haven't been able to sleep, I keep spacing out and forgetting things, my mood changes between not wanting to do anything, not wanting to eat and not being able to get up to doing really eratic things and occasionally having a good time. I just dont really know what to think anymore, it feels like everyone in my family is beginning to move on but I'm just going backwards and I try to pretend I'm fine and put on the 'I'm over it' face to my friends and family because all of the sympathy just makes me feel worse, but when I'm alone it all just comes crashing down. Do you know anything that will help? Or even what is going on? Becuase I understand its all a part of loss but I'm starting to scare myself.
Dear Emily,
You are suffering a perfectly normal emotion: severe grief. The fact that you are so strongly affected says to me that you are a loving person. Being able to love is wonderful. Grief is the dark side of the same thing.
Some people can shrug grief off. Their dark side is that they are unable to love like you can.
Which would you rather have? I think you've got the better of it.
My dear, grief is like a broken bone. If you break a leg, it hurts like hell. Then there is a healing process. All going well, the bone will have healed in about 6 weeks, but things can get in the way and then it may take longer, or never heal.
Severe grief like yours also heals, unless something gets in the way. However, for most people it takes a year or even longer rather than 6 weeks. Be prepared for that.
One of the things that can get in the way of healing from grief is avoidance. Do not use prescribed medications or drugs like alcohol to dull the pain. Acknowledge the hurt. It is all right to feel like you do. You are honouring your grandfather with it.
My second point is that death is not the end of a book, but the end of a chapter. Your grandfather is no longer using his body. But he, as a person, is still around. I am a sceptic, and won't believe anything without evidence. There is sound scientific evidence that we survive beyond death. It is no longer a matter of belief, any more than the shape of the earth, or the germ theory of disease, are matters of belief.
Third, grief has stages. The first is "It can't be true." Then, "It's true but I wish it wasn't." Then typically there is anger: "It's not fair."
There is a wonderful book: Seven Choices by Elizabeth Harper Neeld. When you are up to reading, get hold of a copy. It will be of enormous help to you. It describes 7 such stages.
Fourth, you do need to grieve, but you should not do it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Your grandfather will be upset with you if you make your life a misery like that.
Years ago, I worked with a lady whose husband had died. She couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, made mistakes at work, was cranky with everyone. She came for therapy after 2 occasions of having driven through a red light. This is what helped her: in her diary, she marked in "John" 5:30-7:30 every day of the week. During those hours, she allowed herself to experience her grief to the full. Any other time (like when driving the car), if a thought of grief came to her, she said, "Go away love, I'll talk to you at 5:30."
You can apply the same idea.
Emily, you will get through this. It's OK to feel like you do.
Hello Dr Rich,
I hope this gets to you. My name is Sam and I am depressed, angered by my own ridiculous 'selective shyness' I found your email address at one of your replies to the subject of 'shy and depressed on queendom.com
It's crazy because when I'm alone, not around people, I am pretty alright. Just the other day, a long time relative (just an aunt and uncle) came by unexpectedly for a visit and a stay over at the house and I locked myself in my room for 2 days. In my head I know it was ridiculously stupid, but I just couldn't get myself out of the door. So my mom and sis entertained them instead, while I was on invisible mode.
I don't know what else to say, but I hope I didn't come across as a freak.
Please advice.
Sam
Dear Sam,
No, you are not a freak. This is an all too common problem. You are not alone.
The problem is not with your nature, but with some specific habits you have developed. It's stuff you do, not what you are.
You need to identify what these habits are. Going to a psychologist will help you to do this, but you can do it for yourself.
When I was a teenager and young man, I was also incredibly shy. To me, female was beautiful, frightening and unattainable. This was because childhood abuse had me convinced inside (never mind what I told myself on the surface) that I was ugly, and stupid, and could never get anything right, and no one could possibly love me. From childhood on, I just knew that any girl's reaction to me was to laugh at me.
Your pattern is probably also based on some similar self-damaging beliefs. Therefore, when you are with people, you think that they spend all their time judging you and disapproving of you. And of course, in response to this belief you draw attention to yourself (like hiding in your room) and naturally people notice and judge you in a disapproving way, because you have done something odd, not because there is something wrong with you as a person.
But if you pretended to feel strong and attractive and OK, never mind how you felt inside, then they would NOT be judging you. They are typically too full of their own concerns to spend energy judging other people, unless something odd is being forced to their attention.
I suggest you do three things:
1. Study other people your own age and sex who act socially poised. Watch how they do it. Then go somewhere nobody knows you, and practice doing what they do. You will make mistakes, but that's all right. Mistakes are learning opportunities. When you have made a mistake, think about it. What did I do right? What did I do wrong? How can I do it better next time? Then of course you pick another venue and do it again.
2. Feel the fear and do it anyway. If you had plucked up your courage and came out of your room, it would have been fine, maybe after a few awkward minutes. Imaginings are always worse than reality. Whenever your anxiety tells you to run away from something, run TOWARD it instead. This is what got me out of my shyness.
3. Learn to respect yourself. Go to Martin Seligman's web site http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/ After registering, take some of the tests he has there, particularly the ones measuring your strengths.
You are welcome to write back to me. As of this moment, I don't know your age, whether you are male or female, what country you live in, anything. Hard to be friends like that.
"Going through the door, the stink hit my nose."
Fair enough. The stink went through the door and hit your nose. Oh, that's not what you meant? YOU went through the door and the stink hit your nose when you were inside?
Why didn't you write that then?
The old joke is, a computer does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do. The same is true for language. You need to WRITE what you want to COMMUNICATE.
And if you don't like me shouting about it, then stop sending me books to edit that are full of this gaffe.
Whatever went through the door in the example is the subject of the sentence: the noun-thing that does the action stated by the verb. That's the stink.
"As I went through the door, the stink hit my nose" does the job. Here, the subject of the sentence is "I." That's what you meant, so that's what you should write.
Or, "Going through the door, I was assailed by a terrible smell." Yes, I know, this one has a passive structure, but you can't have everything. At least it's grammatical, and says what the writer intended.
You may have fun looking for this mistake. You'll find it everywhere. Only, let me tell you, the fun fades after too many instances.
Please, please, PLEASE, correct this error before sending me an editing job!
EarthWorks weekend retreat
Loving Healing Press in Australia
Stop Harvey Norman mining our forests!
Hands Across Australia School Competition
Caretaker wanted for Community
Mindful parenting course from Lyn Benson
Bainstorming
Computer art contest for kids
New kids' books publisher
Two from Carolyn: contest winner and inclusion in a book.
EarthWorks
Reconnecting to Earth,
Creating Community,
Inspiring Change
Come join us around the fire this winter as we dive into a rich exploration of our personal and global stories.
Date: Friday 29th - Sunday 31st July
Venue: Rainbow's Retreat, Wyee, Central Coast
Cost: $240*
EarthWorks retreats and workshops offer a unique opportunity to renew our connection with community, with ourselves, and with the living planet. Drawing inspiration from Joanna Macy's work in social and ecological spirituality, EarthWorks uses a range of experiential group and solo exercises to support people to form community connections, feel empowered in their social and personal change work, and experience a deepening of inspiration for action in their lives and communities.
Through acknowledging and facing the challenges we live with on an individual and a global level, the process facilitates new ways of seeing the world and ourselves. Bringing together personal and social transformation, EarthWorks will leave you refreshed, motivated and empowered to take positive action in your lives and in the world.
From past experience, EarthWorks is particularly beneficial for people who:
For more information or to register please contact us or visit www.earth-works.net.au.
Workshop facilitators Emma Pittaway and Claire Dunn have been running EarthWorks retreats since 2005. Emma has a background in community development, community education and environmental campaigning. She has been involved in supporting many grassroots community organisations and is a practising Buddhist. Claire is a writer and facilitator. She has recently emerged from a year in the bush practising wilderness survival skills and nature awareness. Her background includes environmental campaigning, gardening and teaching.
*The fee covers retreat expenses. Claire and Emma follow the age-old Buddhist tradition of 'dana\' (generosity): the teachings are given free of charge, and we invite participants to support us by donation at the end of the retreat.
I have many years of association with Loving Healing Press, having edited a great many of their books. Publisher Victor Volkman has circulated this message:
Effective immediately! LHP titles will be available to Australian consumers through leading book retailers and library suppliers, including Angus & Robertson, TheNile.com.au, Emporium Books Online, Dennis Jones & Associates, ALS Library Services, James Bennett, and DA Information Services. This includes our full product line: color or black-and-white, children's and adult titles, hardcover and paperback. The only exception is books with custom-bindings (e.g., "lay flat binding"), which still can't be printed there.
Please note that if you live in Australia, we can now charge you 80% lower shipping than before. Typically, it would cost us $3.00 per book to print in the UK and ship to Australia (which was the cheapest option). Now we expect the cost to drop to as little as 60 cents per book (depending on weight of course). This applies to both commercial and personal orders.
This gives us better access to Australian media in terms of economically sending out review copies. As always, there are 60 of you and only one of me so you will have more success in getting reviews if you be proactive in contacting reviewers and forward their contact info to me if they express any interest.
GetUp's latest TV ad has been refused classification -- censored by an industry body.
Undercover environmental investigators have caught Harvey Norman red handed, selling furniture that fuels the destruction of Australia's native forests.
Instead of using plentiful and affordable plantation timber, an investigation by Markets for Change has revealed that Harvey Norman furniture is made from ancient Australian trees that are logged and sent to China for processing.
Incredibly, our new TV ad that shows what Harvey Norman are doing to our environment has just been banned from commercial TV by the industry body that classifies ads, because they're scared of what Harvey Norman might do next.
They might block our video on TV -- but they can't stop us reaching millions of Australians by sending it to our friends and family online! Check out the footage they don't want you to see and share it with everyone you can.
Why focus on Harvey Norman? As the dominant player in the furniture industry, shifting Harvey Norman to a sustainable timber supply is the key to shifting the rest of the sector and saving Australia's precious native forests, including old growth forests that are hundreds of years old.
Our friends at Markets for Change have spent over a year doing detailed research into the furniture industry in Australia. Starting in ancient forests here in Australia, their investigations took them to China, where undercover teams documented Australian native timber being manufactured into furniture and imported back into Australia by Harvey Norman.
Australia's native forests are not only a national treasure; they're essential to our water supply, and among the world's best carbon sinks.
More and more, big companies make the big decisions about our environment. It falls to us to hold them accountable: deep pockets and threatening legal departments be damned!
Last year Harvey Norman spent over $100 million on advertising, so their jingle is familiar to every Australian. How can we convince Harvey Norman to change their ways? We can't match them dollar for dollar -- but if we all forward this video to our friends and family we can make sure that next time they see hear Harvey Norman's jingle, they're reminded of the company's environmental choices. This is how we can turn their own advertising budget against them.
Our movement has succeeded in shifting politics and changing policies. If we change a market by reducing demand for native forests, we can finally save the lungs of our nation.
Our legal team has looked into this. We believe that the industry body who blocked our ad is in the wrong. Censorship is usually an option reserved for sexual imagery or grotesque violence -- but neither are in our ad! We don't know what kind of pressure the classifiers are coming under, but one thing is for sure: big business can't stop you. Beat the ban and help us spread the word by sharing this link.
Hi Bob,
GenerationOne and the Australian School of Performing Arts once again invite Australian schools to get involved in the Hands Across Australia School Competition. GenerationOne is a national movement that aims to inspire every Australian, including our youngest citizens, to play their part in ending Indigenous disadvantage in one generation -- this generation. By joining together; Indigenous and non Indigenous, young and old, city and country, across Australia, we can all make a difference.
Maddy Madden,
Competition Ambassador
Hands Across Australia is GenerationOne's catchy theme song, and this year we invite all schools to either perform or re-form Hands Across Australia.
Each category winner will receive $15,000 for their school.
All Australian schools will receive a Hands Across Australia School Competition pack including a DVD containing all of the materials needed to learn Hands Across Australia. The pack also contains a Creative Arts Classroom Resources sheet, with supplementary activities available at songs.generationone.org.au.
In addition, we have included a bonus dance clip to BlackFella/WhiteFella that was choreographed and performed by Australian School of Performing Arts' Dale Pope and up and coming talent Thomas Kelly from NAISDA Dance College to inspire students to get moving!
To download an entry pack, or for more details on the Hands Across Australia School Competition, visit songs.generationone.org.au.. Entries close on 23 September 2011.
Moora Moora Cooperative, near Healesville, Victoria, Australia is looking for a caretaker. This position is to look after our communal building and surrounds. The caretaker receives free accommodation and utilities. They are expected to work one day per week on looking after the building.
The position could be filled by an individual or couple or family.
The successful applicant will have good communication, organization and relationship skills. They should be able to clean the building. The role also includes being the public face of the community for guests.
As Moora Moora is a sanctuary for native wildlife, it is cat and dog free.
Please call Jeremy Lee Shub on 0488 378 891 or email Jeremy See www.mooramoora.org.au for the full position description.
Applications close 31st July.
Interviews start 2nd week in August.
Please submit a resume and cover letter. We would appreciate two personal and two professional referees.
THE JOY OF MINDFUL PARENTING: Discover the Confident Parent Inside you!
Children learn about themselves by the way we communicate with them. If we are worried about the future or preoccupied with the past, we are not really "with" our children.
In this group experience you will learn to
ENROL NOW—NUMBERS STRICLY LIMITED
DATE: WEDNESDAYS—AUG 24th—Sept 21st 2011 TIME: 9.30—11AM
VENUE: SEAFORD LIFE SAVING CLUB, COMMUNITY ROOM. SEAFORD PIER (Near Frankston, Victoria, Australia)
COST: $175 per person (Medicare rebate possible)
TO REGISTER CONTACT
Lyn Benson
Psychologist and Family Therapist
Mobile: 0417114520
The July Bainstorming blog is now live at http://www.darrellbain.com
Subjects this month: Pat downs, Gay species, Progress report, Dangers for kids, Political Commentary, Mechanically untalented, A wild idea, Apertures, More Zero Tolerance, Book reviews, Excerpt from Space Trails.
Darrell Bain
Fictionwise Author of the Year
Multiple Dream Realm and Eppie awards
See all my books at http://www.darrellbain.com
Worldlabel.com, a leading manufacturer and internet supplier of labels for laser and inkjet printers, is sponsoring and hosting a drawing contest open to kids around the world, ages 3 to 12 years old.
Three winners will receive a One Laptop Per Child (OLPC) "XO-1" subnotebook computer, a "Sugar-on-a-stick" USB-bootable Linux environment, and a Tux Paint t-shirt. Seven additional winners will receive a "Sugar-on-a-stick" and a t-shirt.
Limited to one entry per child. Drawings must be made with Tux Paint.
Submissions are accepted until midnight Eastern Standard Time, September 12th.
See our press release here: http://www.tuxpaint.org/latest/
And see Worldlabel.com's blog for the official announcement and rules:
http://blog.worldlabel.com/2011/tux-paint-kids-summer-drawing-contest.html.
I am pleased to announce the formation of a new imprint called "Dragon Dance". The purpose of this imprint will be the publication of paperbacks and hardcovers targeted toward a middle-school audience. Also, an e-book version will be released through regular channels.
We will work hand in hand with teachers to provide quality books to their students, while giving deep-pocket-discounts to schools that wish to purchase large volumes of books for their classrooms.
Our goal is to publish 5 titles per year. We will concentrate on quality, not quantity.
Our flagship title will be J.K. Puck, The School That Doesn't Suck by Dr. Sue Clifton.
I welcome conversations with current authors who are also middle school teachers or principals, as well as those outside of DDP.
Cheers,
You can contact Deron by going to Double Dragon e-books.
Winning Artist Says: Life's highway has lots of off ramps, so why not try more than a few, really enjoy the ride, and the time to enjoy the scenery by the side of the road.
Award-winning poets Carolyn Howard-Johnson and Magdalena Ball announce the winner and runners-up of their first-ever contest for cover art of their poetry chapbooks. When published in July of 2011, Deeper into the Pond will celebrate, support, and inspire women. Jacquie Schmall's winning entry reflects the powerful energy of women in the process of co-creation. Thus it seemed an ideal image for a chapbook conceived and published by Ball and Howard-Johnson that has resulted in this, the fifth in their award-winning series.
Schmall, who lives in San Diego, developed a style she calls "rainbow geometry." After spending time in theatre productions and on film sets, she was compelled to paint a series of watercolors reflecting the powerful energy of women. The selected painting is one of them; it will be reflected in three iterations on the cover.
The chapbooks in the Celebration Series include Cherished Pulse (for anyone you love), with artwork from California artist Vicki Thomas She Wore Emerald Then (for mothers on your gift list) with photographs by May Lattanzio Imagining the Future: For Fathers and Other Masculine Apparitions (for the men in your life) and Blooming Red, a celebration of Christmas also featuring Thomas's work.
Runners up in the contest are Roxanne Kahan and Cynthia Uhrich.
Magdalena Ball runs the highly respected CompulsiveReader.com review site. She is the author of the poetry book Repulsion Thrust, which was published to unanimous five-star reviews. Her novel Sleep Before Evening was a Next Generation Indie Book Awards Finalist.
The literary journal Solo Novo Wall Scrawls Vol 1 has just been published. It will include the poetry of UCLA Extension Writers' Program instructor Carolyn Howard-Johnson.
The journal is published by Solo Novo Press, Carpinteria, CA and North Wilkesboro, NC.
Editor Paula C. Lowe says, "Wall Scrawls" is inspired by an Iowa farm house wall. Eighty years abandoned and orphaned, it is a "hive of letters, a busy kitchen of words. Every kid with a can of spray paint somehow gets here and leaves his or her native tongue on the walls." One of those walls has become the cover art of this journal.
The selected poem by Howard-Johnson is "Inevitably Walls." It is inspired by the poet's extensive travels where she has come upon walls that only occasionally impart hope for the future of mankind. A quote from the poem:
Learn more about Carolyn Howard-Johnson at http://carolynhoward-johnson.com.
If you received a copy of Bobbing Around and don't want a repeat, it's simple. Drop me a line and I'll drop you from my list.
You may know someone who would enjoy reading my rave.
Bobbing Around is being archived at http://mudsmith.net/bobbing.html, or you can forward a copy to your friend. However, you are NOT ALLOWED to pass on parts of the newsletter, without express permission of the article's author and the Editor (hey, the second one is me.)
If you are not a subscriber but want to be, email me. Subject should be 'subscribe Bobbing Around' (it will be if you click the link in this paragraph). In the body, please state your name, email address (get it right!), your country and something about yourself. I also want to know how you found your way to my newsletter. I hope we can become friends.
Contributions are welcome, although I reserve the right to ecline anything, or to request changes before acceptance. Welcome are:
It is a FALSE RUMOUR that you need to buy one of my books before your submission is accepted. Not that I cry when someone does so.
Above all, contributions should be brief. I may shorten them if necessary.
Content should be non-discriminatory, polite and relevant. Announcements should be 100 to 200 words, shorter if possible. Book reviews, essays and stories should be at the very most 500 words, poems up to 30 lines.
Author bios should be about 50 words, and if possible include a web address.
New kids' books publisher
Deron Douglas
Publisher,
Double Dragon Publishing
Two from Carolyn:
contest winner and inclusion in a bookCover contest winner
In a new book
About Bobbing Around
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